February 06, 2009 @ 8:35 AM
Numbing Myself
Posted by Ethan
I'm sure, that if u're a continual reader of this blog, u might have noticed that i was going through relationship problems. I'm still holding on to the past, when i know that nothing would probably come out of it. Kinda hard to control ur feelings isn't it? That time when we broke up, twas probably cos i didn't treasure her enough. But even by doing so now, it seemed a little too late to salvage this relationship that has been long lost, and abandoned.
I feel so lost without her by my side. Things gets worse, when i'm alone in my room(i currently am), when it feels so empty without her. This feeling of emptiness, loneliness, one wouldn't have, unless he have gone through it himself. I couldn't do anything, as my mind was filled with her images. Taking my A's dis year, and i soon realised that if it continued, i'd be jeopardising my future. Rather than holding onto something so flimsy and uncertain, i should direct myself towards academic progress.
So, what have i planned? I have already tried to not to contact her as often as i could. until a point in which i could not help but to sms her. I tried to get her off my mind and focus on my work. It worked to a limited extent. Our beautiful memories, i remember vividly. Using studies to distract me from her, works from time to time, but not always. Even when we're together in the past, i said " i miss you", cos i thought that, some cajoling might make her feel happier. But what's the point in saying that when i'm missing her? The current situation is that, I really miss her, and wish her back by my side. If given the opportunity, i'd say to her from the bottom of my heart; "I miss you". As the saying goes, what goes around comes around. I've gotta admit that i was a jerk when it comes to relationships. Didn't treasure my partners, and relationships ended cos i was unfaithful. From some people's point of view, they would say that i deserved it.
My first relationship began on 220105, ended on 041005.
My second relationship started on the same day i broke up with my first, on 041005. Cant remember when it ended. probably around april 07. Reason being, i fell in love with her( the same one im talking about in this blog).
My third relationship started on 280407, ended on 300708. Yup. Two days before we broke up, we were celebrating our 15th monthsary.
Before her, i didn't know the importance of being faithful in a realtionship. Neither did i try to hold on to anyone that i liked before.
But now, i'm holding on to memories. She wouldn't return to me, but i'll wait for her. Be there for her. Stupid as it might sound, I find this relationship to be the most special to me. I still believe that one fine day, we would embrace each other again. I dunno wat gave me that idea, but my intuition tells me that, she's the one for me. She's the one that i've ever loved so deeply. Most deeply in fact.
I'm not gonna give u up. We haven't been to Israel, and done so many other things together yet.
Ethan a.k.a. Cheng Yi ~ Guitarist
I'm sure, that if u're a continual reader of this blog, u might have noticed that i was going through relationship problems. I'm still holding on to the past, when i know that nothing would probably come out of it. Kinda hard to control ur feelings isn't it? That time when we broke up, twas probably cos i didn't treasure her enough. But even by doing so now, it seemed a little too late to salvage this relationship that has been long lost, and abandoned.
I feel so lost without her by my side. Things gets worse, when i'm alone in my room(i currently am), when it feels so empty without her. This feeling of emptiness, loneliness, one wouldn't have, unless he have gone through it himself. I couldn't do anything, as my mind was filled with her images. Taking my A's dis year, and i soon realised that if it continued, i'd be jeopardising my future. Rather than holding onto something so flimsy and uncertain, i should direct myself towards academic progress.
So, what have i planned? I have already tried to not to contact her as often as i could. until a point in which i could not help but to sms her. I tried to get her off my mind and focus on my work. It worked to a limited extent. Our beautiful memories, i remember vividly. Using studies to distract me from her, works from time to time, but not always. Even when we're together in the past, i said " i miss you", cos i thought that, some cajoling might make her feel happier. But what's the point in saying that when i'm missing her? The current situation is that, I really miss her, and wish her back by my side. If given the opportunity, i'd say to her from the bottom of my heart; "I miss you". As the saying goes, what goes around comes around. I've gotta admit that i was a jerk when it comes to relationships. Didn't treasure my partners, and relationships ended cos i was unfaithful. From some people's point of view, they would say that i deserved it.
My first relationship began on 220105, ended on 041005.
My second relationship started on the same day i broke up with my first, on 041005. Cant remember when it ended. probably around april 07. Reason being, i fell in love with her( the same one im talking about in this blog).
My third relationship started on 280407, ended on 300708. Yup. Two days before we broke up, we were celebrating our 15th monthsary.
Before her, i didn't know the importance of being faithful in a realtionship. Neither did i try to hold on to anyone that i liked before.
But now, i'm holding on to memories. She wouldn't return to me, but i'll wait for her. Be there for her. Stupid as it might sound, I find this relationship to be the most special to me. I still believe that one fine day, we would embrace each other again. I dunno wat gave me that idea, but my intuition tells me that, she's the one for me. She's the one that i've ever loved so deeply. Most deeply in fact.
I'm not gonna give u up. We haven't been to Israel, and done so many other things together yet.
Ethan a.k.a. Cheng Yi ~ Guitarist
